this sucks... i'm getting a new one..

getting my grub on!! ahh.. it's Easter. wut better way to spend it than going to the Disneyland Hotel Buffet. I haven't eaten so much inna LONG time! but the food was SO delicious. man.. maybe i should take you out there some time.*drool* they had ice sculptures and chefs ready to make whatever omlette you desire! mann.. and the jumbo shrimp... it's game over! then there's the dessert table.. OMG.. i've never tasted so many delicious desserts.. and they also cooked this thing with fruits inside.. it's like a fruit omlette! except it wasn't egg.. it was like this very yummy batter.. and with cooking wine! they would light the wine and .. OMG.. it was just SO good. next disneyland buffet is mother's day. =) i am SO there.

redondo beach pact besides the buffet.. my mom was talking to me about how she remembered how close i was to my pals. then she brought up the pact that me and my friends made at redondo beach back in 8th grade/freshmen year.. she asked what ever happened to it.. and i'll i came up with was "i ask myself the samething." it's not that we're not friends anymore, it's just that we aren't as close as we used to be. and i guess that's what got me thinking.. not matter if a group of friends make a pact or not to stay close friends, it's up to the people to do something about it. at first friends and i all tried to keep in touch, but then things changed and people got busy. we were suppose to have annual get togethers but that only happened one year out of our four years in high school. now that high school's about to end, there's no time left to make up for the years we've missed. it makes me wonder if the same exact thing will happen to the friends i made in high school. will i make the same promise to them only to realize in the end that we've drifted apart? it scares me that i'm gonna have to pick up and move on again. leave a place of memories behind and move on to a new one. but at the same time, i wanna go out and experience life outside of high school. it's just the security of having someone you know well enough to end up being right next to you saying, "that was fun."

ack.. ok.. maybe i just need some sleep.. i'm actually getting some sleep now! hehe. hmm.. this weekend was ok.. yesterday i had piano lessons.. came home and thought i saw a familiar face pass by.. left to sams club to buy my house some much needed food.. went to the mall to walk off our pizza... checked out some clothes.. came home and fell asleep with my contacts in my eye.. smooth emierald.. very smooth.. waking up with dry eyes, i prepare myself for the Easter Sunday mass and stupid me.. wore heels. Ack.. walking around in heels in Downtown Disney?! let alone getting out of the car to go the the Disneyland Hotel?! i must be crazy. so i bought flip-flops only to realize AFTER i took of the tag and everything that my feet weren't gonna fit.. but when i tried them on they were ok.. maybe i accidentally switched it.. grr.. oh well. i wore them anyways.. they were TOO small.. they were just right actually.. but it was EXACT.. u know wut i'm saying? like barely covering from toes to heel kind of deal.. then i wanted to buy an annual pass... but when i looked at the price i figure why don't i just wait and save enough money.. $225 for a two park annual pass.... dang. it's gonna take me a while.. haha

LAST PERSON WHO..
*Slept in your bed: that would be me
*Made you cry: ayy.. that is one long story..
*You shared a drink with: i shared apple juice with my sister
*You went to the movies with: my family.. "Bringing Down the House"
*You went to the mall with: a bunch of people! it was fun! =)
*Yelled at you: my dad..
*Said they were going to kill you: uhh.. that's easy.. it was you!

HAVE YOU EVER..
*Said "I love you" and meant it? yeah.
*Gotten in a fight: yeah.. =(
*Been to New York? yeah! i miss it! so many memories!
*Been to Florida? yeah! i miss that place too!
*California? california? where is that?
*Hawaii? i'm going in the summer.. FINALLY!
*Mexico? one day turn around.. i was running from the border police! haha
*China? nope..
*Canada? i did when i was young, dontcha know?
*Danced naked? does that include in the shower?
*Got a really bad feeling about something then it happened? yup
*Wish you were the opposite sex? i've wondered what it was like .. but never wished. i'm not "penis envy" like Sigmud Freud assumed women were.. sheesh
*Had an imaginary friend? yes.

Which one...
*Red or Blue? i like both equally.. but the majority of my clothes and bedsheets are blue.... but i look sexy in red.. haha jk
*Spring or Fall? hmm.. this one always changes. depends on my mood.. right now i like spring..
*Santa or Rudolph? hmm.. they kinda come together.. without the other they're pointless
*Math or English? math any day!!

RANDOM
*What are you going to do after you finish this survey? sleep and dream of... yeah..
*What was the last food you ate? subway
*High school or college? i wouldn't know cuz i haven't gone through college yet.
*Are you bored? isn't that implied when i fill this out?
*How many buddies are on? 18
*Last movie you saw? some movie on TMC.. it was about the Holocaust
*Last noise you heard? music
*Last time you went out of the state: last year
*Things you like in a guy: hmm.. his ability to cook (even better if he cooks better than me), his humor, his cuddliness, his hugs, his care, the way he blushes, the way he scrunches up his nose, his goofiness, his smile, the way he looks at me, they way he thinks he has to always protect me, the way he talks to me (from joking to random to serious)
*Do you have a crush on someone? one can say that
*Do they know? i don't know ;D
*What do you think of Ouija boards? intriguing but sinfuL!
*What book are you reading now? reading?? does a dream book count?
*What's on your mouse pad? some company
*Favorite board game? LIFE
*Favorite magazine? seventeen
*Worst feeling in the world? being lonely when you need someone the most
*How many rings before you answer? depends how far i am from the phone..
*Future daughter's name: Kirslyn.. Monique.. umm.. Kirslyn Monique! haha
*Future son's name: Cory or Eric.. or maybe even after the father's name!
*Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? tigger!
*Hair Color: black
*Eye Color:black
*Height Currently: 5'4
*College Plans: CSLB!.. i was suppose to go to Cal Poly Pomona.. but not anymore..
*Best Friends: i've got a couple of those! you know who u are!
*Hobbies: ahh..there's a lot of those..
*Are You Timely Or Always Late: a little of both.. depends where i'm going
*Do You Have A Job: i will soon =)
*Do You Like Being Around People: yes.. as long as it's small groups.. and as long as they aren't meanies..

STUFF
*Have you ever loved someone you had no chance with: love?? it's more like liked..
*Have You Ever Cried Over Something Someone of The Opposite Sex Did: yeah.. one to many times..
*Do You Have A "Type" Of Person You Always Go After: i see a trend but i'm open to all ;D
*Want Someone You Don't Have Right Now: umm.. i'm satisfied.
*Ever Liked a close Guy/Girl Friend: yeah wut do u think happened in 8th grade? haha
*Are You Lonely Right Now: hence i'm filling this survey
*Ever Afraid You'll Never Get Married: kinda.. but then again.. i can survey ALL the fishes of the sea if i don't.. but then again... i would like to settle down sometime..
*Do You Want To Get Married: yeah! i better.. i'm second on kristen's list! haha
*Do You Want Kids: yeah. i love kids!

FAVORITE
*Room In house: my room.. cuz it's MINE..
*Type of music: any music i can groove or relax to...
*Song: i have a lot..
*Memory: hmm.. you're gonna have to guess this one.. *blush*
*Day Of The Week: friday cuz that means the weekend starts after school!
*Flower: Sampagita (the flower of the Philippines!).. lavender.. sunflowers.. rose.. i like a lot.. more on the exotic looking flowers.
*Month: December.. CHRISTMAS!
*Location for dates: don't matter as long as i have fun!

IN THE LAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU:
*Cried: yeah
*Bought Something: food?
*Gotten Sick: does a cold in the morning count?
*Sang: what's a day in my life without singing??
*Said I Love You: yeah
*Wanted To Tell Someone You Loved them, But Didn't: yeah.. -_-*
*Met Someone New: yeah! my cousin's husband!
*Moved On: yeah
*Talked To Someone: wut's a day with me talking to someone?
*Had A Serious Talk: yup
*Missed Someone: yeah...
*Hugged Someone: yeah =)
*Kissed Someone: mommy!
*Fought With Your Parents: kinda
*Dreamed About Someone You Can't Be With: yup...
*Wanted This Survey To Be Over: yes.. haha

ahh.. why am i up? well.. the last two people left my house at around 2 AM.. yep. and diana's sleeping over. hmm.. wut can i say about today? i personally had mixed emotions. probably because it was an odd group to start off with... but i hope everyone had fun... i think the only person that did pick up that "something was wrong" was the person that i thought was least likely talk to me AT ALL. of course, knowing my instincts, i naturally cover up. Gosh.. i mean.. i did have fun. but everything looked so much better in my mind. i seriously thought everyone was gonna hate me for dragging them to something they didn't want to go to. ugh! i hate it when i worry! it's like.. *sigh* i dunno.. i guess i just want to make sure EVERYONE was comfortable and was having fun because i was the hostess. and a party isn't a good party unless everyone was happy... which i felt i didn't accomplish. and i KNOW i could have done SO much better. prolly cuz parents were home? or prolly cuz everyone didn't know everyone... ugh. i don't know. we were suppose to go beach, bowling, or park.. even though i don't know wut we would have done at the park.. but we ended up going to a crowded pool hall and bumping into michael paz.. so ditching the scene, we just renting the ring.. which personally i didn't find all that scary.. maybe because i had this horrific image of how the movie was suppose to be like and the movie just happened to turn out less that what i had expected... (the only time high expectations is an advantage). of course the ending was scary.. but you know.. i got my pillow.. ok ok.. so i cowardly crawled away from the TV and into someone's arms.. or more like an arm.. haha.. then after the movie we had a mini break.. which tong and i wrestled. that was fuN! =) g2g

ay crap.. this week is SO busy but it's busy in like a routined way if u catch my drift... it's like all organized and planned out.. something i'm not used to haha. So other days have been set aside for cotillion practices while wednesdays are mandatory scrip days. yep... no can do about those days.. me want sleep.. mm.. sleep. but sadly that's not what i'm going to get this week. although i'm actually fitting afternoon naps. haha well i finally got matresses for my bunk bed so i can actually sleep comfortably! yay! ah. ok.. getting off topic.. wait.. did i even have a topic to start off with? hmm. an interesting thought. i have NO clue where this entry is going but i'll just go with the flow of what english professors call the stream of consciousness...

you know what i need?? i need a day of spontaneous events.. i just want to set aside a day were i can go out with like one other person and just do spontaneous things.. i need a day that includes disneyland and the beach in one day.. or maybe downtown disney.. or beach hopping!!.. or check out restaurants.. or just drive around LA.. cruise Rodeo Dr. (even though we can get ticketed now.. haha). i dunno. i want to see places.. like maybe to trip to San Fransisco! or .. i dunno.. go exploring!! that would be fun.. i wanna go to Palawan, Philippines where there's deep blue water and white sandy beaches. There's also a cave to explore there! like one that the water sets in.. i heard it's pretty amazing.. and then that will take care of like three items on my "what to do in life" list. I want to spend a day and night in the Brazil Rainforest. I want to explore private beaches and jungles. I want to go star gazing in the mountains.. what kills me is knowing that i won't be able to get through all the things on my list. *sigh* ok.. imma go off.. my flight to dreamland is about to leave!

u know wut's my problem?? i worry about things too much and act as if what i worry about is true... it's like taking a precaution to a precaution that leads to destruction.. =( can't i do anything right? i feel like i'm losing touch with everyone and everything but why now? it's like a month and a half before graduation and this year seems like a repeat of last year. around sadies time too! *sigh* it's nothing that i should be worried about really.. but it's there.. maybe i'm just scared.. maybe i'm just scared of losing that feeling of confidence again.. why does everything happen to me around sadies?? it's become a bitter time of the year for me.. it's like reliving sophomore and junior year's month of April all over again. and yet it's so hard to talk about.. if anything it's hard enough for me to write this just because i'm putting myself out there. and i can't hold back this fear anymore. damn.. it takes a lot of reassurance for me to actually accept myself.. i dunno why tho.. and i don't know how to change that.. maybe it's from the constant poking of jokes that i got as i grew up leading me to lead an unsure life that gave me a self-esteem that flucuated. and i guess this is one of the periods where it's at it's low end... *sigh*.. this cycle sucks. maybe i should make myself happy before i make someone else happy.. maybe that's why the whole "courting" thing in high school never really worked out for me just because i was too scared. but this year seemed KINDA different. i'm taking more risks. but the old feelings of fear of rejection is flowing back in trying to hold me back.

today was a bad day.. *sigh.. oh well. can't avoid bad days right? i tried making the bad day turn into good in 5th period.. but it just went down again in 6th.. stupid vocab test. anywho, i got my new bunk bed!.. but it takes up HALF the room.. LITERALLY.. it's ok.. i guess. my room's small so i kinda brought it upon myself.. but my sister likes it.. so that's a plus.. she's the one that's gonna end up using it more that i will anyways. umm.. wut else.. oh.. cotillion practice.. we need to start learning something new.. seriously.. her cotillion is in like 2-3 weeks and we still haven't learned swing.. g2g bbl..