i can't really pin point what is bothering me.. is it a guy? or is it my friends.. or "friends".. ugh.. i don't know.. I think i'm just in the mood for some of that TLC just cuz it's Christmas time... and usually around this time i feel the most appreciated.. but this year's different.. and i'm not asking for anything much more that a hug or a "wat's up" but goodness.. no one deserves to be completely ignored.. i even get mad at myself for ignoring a person just cuz i know how it feels.. and lately.. people only turn to me for favors... i'm not complaining for being asking to do way to many favors cuz i like helping out.. but.. is that all i'm good for?? I'm not asking for much.. just a little TLC.. who doesn't right? but if my presence is only good for doing favors than what good does that do to me as person? everyone needs real friends.. everyone needs a strong hold on something.. but where are mine? where are the friends that are willing to stick around just cuz i'm me? i can only name a few that actually stood by my side and supported me no matter what... and showed me that i was loved esp. when they knew my favorite starbucks drink and bought it for me even though i didn't ask. And it's those things that i appreciate the most.. just a little kind gesture would do even if it's just a hug or a pat on the back (thanks phan! ).. it just reassures me that i have something to live for... something to look forward to when i go to school or even come home to (a ringing telephone!).. u don't know how excited i get when my cell phone or my house phone rings.. i literally run to the phone and hope that it's for me.. nowadays.. those phone calls come few and far in between..

sheesh.. listen to me spilling over... i'm amazed tho that most of the time, my friends know when i need a hug or that little lift. Hugs and laughs are a natural high for me so it keeps me going through the day.. for example.. today Kristen and i went to starbucks.. she knew which one to order for me hehe.. and we i tried moving my chair it made my butt vibrate.. then i was off to a giggle fit.. johnny was there haha. I couldn't stop laughing! and that kept me awake the whole day! (well. on top of the starbucks of course!) then at school Phan gave me a hug (aww.. thanks!) and that gave me an extra boost to go through the day (notice i was in a bit happier mood.. or was it still the starbucks?? hehe) so i don't know.. some days i just need that little boost to get my self-esteem raised.. i know it's kind of a selfish thing.. but everyone needs one once inna awhile.. i guess my "while" is now..